Thursday, November 03, 2005

13 hours to reboot the universe and everything

This week the final installment of the "Star Wars" saga goes on sale for our home entertainment. We can all now take a day off to watch all 13 hours or so in the correct order and muse upon a phantom reality that has occupied our lives for near on 25 years. This link has an interesting essay.

Of course, a synopsis will barely take 13 minutes.

Bit One. A long time ago in a galaxy very far away a child is born. He is exceptionally gifted and gets adopted by the state to be trained for some higher purpose. He's cute and has lots of robots and aliens for friends.

Bit Two. Boy in now a teenager and doing lots of worthy stuff for his tutor and the state. Shows signs of attitude problem but still struts his stuff in a palitable fashion whilst falling in love and getting married. Meanwhile, the shadow of war falls on the state.

Bit Three. War arrives and boy is young adult. Has a son and daughter but then rebels and joins the other side. Abandons children to pursue a career as serious war-monger.

Bit Four. Son has grown up in isolation but inhertied daddy's talents. Daddy's old tutor resurfaces to educate son. Son also discovers secret sister. Daddy is now a major bigwig in the empire that has replaced the state. State is now relegated to resistance movement and sets out to train son as their own champion. Old tutor dies.

Bit Five. The son is now the big hero of the resistance and, unlike daddy, shows no signs of being a rebel. The son, his sister and assorted mates do all sorts of things to combat the empire. Also gets to meet a load of daddy's old pals who also help him out. Son finally meets daddy and has a fight with him before finding out the truth of their blood relationship. Survives fight and escapes with an arm missing.

Bit Six. The son gets a new robot arm and makes serious plans to sort out the daddy problem. Seeks out daddy's old mega-guru to get some advanced training before having another go at daddy. Big generation battle ensues but daddy won't kill son and decides he's a nice guy after all. Son kills emporer instead and everyone has a party. It was just a little celebration at first, but becomes galaxy wide for the remastered edition.

Bit Seven. There isn't one, but you could just go back to bit one and re-enter the loop.

13 hours! Just how many times are we really going to watch it all again now? If there is a parable here, it's a mighty flimsy one.


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